Ninja Bond!

How do you make James Bond even cooler? Why, turn him into a ninja!

Last night, Amy and I went to another vintage double feature at the American Cinematheque's Aero Theatre in Santa Monica: new (and extremely sharp) prints of the fourth and fifth Bond movies, THUNDERBALL and YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE. I've seen both movies numerous times on video, of course, but nothing matches seeing them on a big screen, with good prints, and a full audience. That's particularly true for YOLT, with its gorgeous photography, vistas of Japan, and the spectacular set pieces. I'd never quite appreciated how thrilling the helicopter-autogyro battle and the slam-bang finale inside the (full size!) volcano base set were until I saw them on the big screen. (The same goes for Thunderball's frogman battle.)

But about those ninjas. YOLT came out in 1967, when ninjas were not quite the adopted part of American culture they became in the 80's (remember Lee Van Cleef as THE MASTER? All three episodes of it?). But even if they weren't the novelty they were forty years ago, the audience still cheered when Bond asked Tiger Tanaka, head of the Japanese Secret Service, "Do you have any commandos?" and Tanaka gloats, "Much better than commandos! We have ninja!"

This conversation takes place in front of Himeji Castle -- which, as it turns out, is also Tanaka's ninja training camp. (I wish I had recalled that when I was touring the castle three years ago. I wonder if the ninjas had to dodge pesky tour groups.) We then see the Bond' producers' idea of ninjitsu training -- which involves breaking blocks of ice with foreheads, bo staff training, judo, and rocket-pistol target practice. (Don't ask.) Plus the single katana expert. (He repeats his Benihana routine during the finale -- although he still might have been more effective carrying, say, a submachine gun.)

Although time is of the essence, Tanaka insists that operations have to grind to a halt until Bond undergoes ninjitsu training. It's unclear why; after all, he's already freakin' James Bond! But just as in a Shonen Jump type manga story, he can't go on his mission until he obtains Special Training.

The one disadvantage of the gorgeous new prints: During the scene in THUNDERBALL where the Vulcan bomber lands in the sea, the wires attached to the top of the bomber miniature were shamefully visible. You don't want to see the wires in a Bond film -- unless they're in the hands of a villian trying to garrote Bond.