Today is US Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's birthday.
How do know? Because yesterday, at a lecture by Scalia and Bryan Garner, Garner led me and 999 other attorneys and judges in singing "Happy Birthday" to the justice.
(I also got to hear Justice Scalia's William Rehnquist imitation.)
In honor of the occasion, I suggest you strictly construe everything you read today, in light of the drafter's original intent.